ode to the public bathrooms in holloway hall,

where i first saw her in the mirror, peeking out
from the angry young man she was pretending to
be. but that was later. first came the darkness, and
the light. one night after smoking weed i went to
the bathroom and i looked in the mirror and i saw
spinning fractals - the next day walking in stop and
shop felt like i was slipping in between dimensions.
god, i travelled through time in the public bathrooms
in holloway hall- i had cosmic visions and i had hellish
ones. i saw spinning fractals and i saw my face morph
and one night i woke up unable to move, maggots
crawling in my wall and a man in a hat leaning
over me. that year felt like an eternity, frozen in winter.
time wasn't moving right and life was pain. breakdown
after breakdown, i was there and i was gone. i had
cosmic visions and i had hellish ones. that year felt
like an eternity, frozen in winter. i swear the days
were repeating themselves, playing on loop. my mind
was a desolate wasteland, full of horrifying creatures
and beautiful darkness and so much light. i'm not sure
how exactly i managed to emerge from that timeless,
liminal space. i swear, the days were repeating themselves.
playing on a loop. god, i was travelling through time in the
public bathrooms in holloway hall, my mind a desolate
wasteland full of horrifying creatures, when i first saw her
in the mirror. she was peeking out from the angry young
man she had been dressing up as. when i came out, the
public bathroom in holloway hall became my favorite place.
i would get high and shower and play my music and close
my eyes and in the darkness i would be her. those were
magical nights: laura jane grace blasting from my little
blue speaker on the sink, i would stand under the shower
and close my eyes and i would be her. the first time i shaved
my legs it must have taken an hour, the razor was dull and i
cut myself more than a few times. i felt like a trans prostitute
from the 80s. my legs felt like they were on fire for almost a
week afterwards but i didn't care, because i felt like a trans
prostitute from the 80s. it must have taken an hour, but lou
reed was singing from my little blue speaker on the sink:

shaved her legs and then he was a she
hey babe, take a walk on the wild side